Talking to Dead People Tuesday, Oct 8 2013 

ancestry and Family and Writing , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Kelly Deeny 7:21 pm

…or, Ghost Whispering – that’s what I call ancestry research.  I don’t ACTUALLY see ghosts, but I do have a strong connection to that which I deem “spiritual”.  This is not a story about spirits with a veiled mist around them or mystical figures cloaked in black robes.  Instead, I ask you to open your mind to the possibility that our ancestors are communicating with us, even if we’re not listening.  And they do so in very creative ways!

A view of Ellis Island

A view of Ellis Island

For instance, very recently I had a rather interesting writing experience.  As I sat with my pencil pressed against a beautifully designed journal, I struggled for words.  I’d been thinking a great deal about my genealogy stalemate and that could have very well prompted what followed.  I wrote about a young girl walking down a path, one which led her to a coal mine.  She was searching for her ancestor, the one who died there as a young man.  Then she asked him questions, and he responded.  The words flowed through my mind, and my pencil floated across the page.  The young girl in my story proceeded along her journey, conversing with her paternal grandmother at a Native American camp and the 5-year old version of her Irish great-great-grandmother.

When I wrote the section about my grandmother, I instantly imagined her sitting next to me.  Smiling and supporting me to keep writing.  There was even some humor intermixed in the conversation.  We didn’t communicate much while she lived, but I feel her presence more so now since her spirit vacated her body almost five years ago.  As I struggle to trace her Native American lineage, I can really use her guidance and assistance.  I may just be using my creative imagination to help me along the path.  That’s a-okay by me – if the journey is filled with intriguing paths and interesting people.

Artistry and creativity are my connection to the spiritual world, as a reminder that my goal in this life is to learn and grow.  To not remain stagnant or stuck.  The creative outlets that I consistently gravitated to these past three decades provided me solace, inspiration, and motivation.  I have no doubt the same is true now.

When I finished that writing exercise, I smiled broadly with tears in my eyes goosebumps on my arms.  I felt a comforting blend of peaceful existence and exhilaration.

I’ll keep writing my ancestor’s stories – I can only hope they keep talking!!!!

 

The Value of Music: A Timeless Discussion Saturday, Dec 8 2012 

ancestry and Writing , , , , , , , , , , , Kelly Deeny 1:04 pm

Every time I think about the tragedy of my second great-grandfather’s (Elmer Karchner) death it’s now amplified at the knowledge he once labeled himself as a musician yet died a coal miner.  While the necessity of an occupation change is understandable it only aggravates the frustration I have about my own choices.

As a writer I welcome constructive feedback.  I want to know what my strengths are and what areas need improvement.  If a story leaves you confused or moves you I want to know.  I thrive on honest yet helpful criticism.

As a singer, if you tell me I was off-pitch, lagging behind the accompaniment or just plain okay I’m likely to internalize that criticism into “I am not a singer, no matter how much I may want to be.”  I often wonder why there’s such a drastic shift between writing and music, and how I define myself.

Is there some part of me that is terrified of actually defining myself as a singer?  I call myself a writer without hesitation – without doubt of truth.  Plenty of family and friends commend my writing.  They champion my desire of pursuing writing as a career choice.  But, no one has ever told me, “Why aren’t you singing professionally?”  I’ve been told I have a beautiful voice and people are surprised that such a powerful voice comes out of such a tiny individual.  Yet, those around me aren’t apt to tell me to give up writing and pursue music.

I don’t blame them, after all there’s a part of me that believes it too.  Or else I would’ve found the strength and determination to pursue a career in music if that’s truly what I wanted.  Is it enough just to enjoy singing on a smaller scale?  To see the smiles on my niece and nephews’ faces when I sing to them.  To burst out into song with my car windows rolled down on a perfect Spring day.  To blare a musical theatre soundtrack and sing along with it when the house it empty.

I get fulfillment from both writing and singing.  The difference is…I earn money with the prior.  Even though Elmer Karchner may have found just as much passion for music it wouldn’t have earned him enough money to support his family.  Not at the turn of the 20th century anyway.  I hope that he shared his love of music with his children.  That they gathered around on a Sunday afternoon in Hazleton and played.  Whether he played an instrument or sang I like to imagine Elmer, Miss Mattie and their children joined in song during the holidays; their family and friends surrounding them with love and appreciation.

Your life ended too short Elmer, but your love of music has not died!

Love,

Kelly

 

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